We posted this article on our old blog some time ago. I’m expecting my third baby in about 3 months time and how his older brothers will react to his arrival is top of my thoughts. I think it’s a very useful article and I’m already putting some of the advice into practice so I wanted to re-post it onto our updated blog for others who may be interested in the topic. It was written by our Guest Blogger – Naomi Richards, also known as The Kids Coach:
Bringing a new baby into the family should be a cause for celebration. However, despite both mum and dad being elated at a new addition to the family, their existing child/children may not be. Sometimes the birth of a sibling can be stressful for a child. An only child who has not yet had to share their parents may feel shoved out by the arrival of a new baby which demands a lot of time and attention and a child who already has a sibling will have to share mum and dad ‘again’ and will have less time with them.
Before you actually have the baby here are some useful tips that should make the transition smoother when you eventually bring the new addition home:
• Tell your child about your pregnancy when you tell your friends. It is important that your child hears about it from you and not someone else.
• If your child is still sleeping in a cot move them into a bed before the baby arrives so that your child will not feel like they have to give their cot up for the new baby. In the same vain if the child is going to move bedrooms to make way for the nursery then make a big fuss over moving rooms and get the existing child involved in decorating their new room.
• Give your child clear information that the baby will be a new member of the family and that it is here to stay – not visit.
• Point out the benefits of being an older child like choosing what to eat and being capable of doing things a baby can’t do.
• If your child enjoys reading books get some books about a new baby in the family – there are loads to choose from. This is a good way to introduce the concept in a very relaxed way.
• Reassure your child that they are special and loved as often a child will feel that there will not be enough parental love for them and a baby.
• Go shopping with your child to buy a present for the baby – something that they think they would really like.
• If you have much older siblings get them involved in the pregnancy. Perhaps they could read a book to the baby in your belly or help you get everything ready for the baby’s room.
Once you bring the baby home you can start to include the older child in the babys life. Here are some ways how you can do this:
• One nice thing to do is give your older child a gift from the baby so they feel thought of and included straight away.
• Let them get involved with the baby if they want to. Provide your child with opportunities to care for the baby such as feeding, choosing baby’s clothes, helping to push the pram. Even letting them help wrap a blanket around them will make them feel important and will instills in them a sense of your trust. This will increase your child’s self-esteem and bring out feelings of affection between them and the baby. Show them how to be gentle as sometimes young children do not always know their own strength and they certainly do not understand how fragile a baby is.
• Have some special “big brother” or “big sister” presents to give your child when friends and relatives bring baby gifts so your older child won’t feel left out.
• Set aside some special time for your older child each day doing an activity of their choice. Some one-on-one time can mean a lot to your child and can help with their behaviour. If you find this difficult to do ask someone to look after the baby so that you and your child can have time together.
• Listen to how your child feels about the baby and the changes in the family. If they express negative feelings, acknowledge them and reassure them that life is not always going to be like this. There are so many great benefits to having a new baby in the family. If you have a young child help them put their feelings into words.
• Your child may regress. If they do let them. Parents have a tendency to suddenly expect their child to become more independent when you have a new baby – some do and others don’t.
• Tell your older child that they can have some private space and have things of their own that they don’t have to share with the baby.
Bringing a new baby into a family is a great time of adjustment for everybody. Despite talking about the new baby and preparing your child for the impending birth, the only way to understand as to what is going to happen is to experience it!
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